Sat Dec 9, 2017

10:43am

Friday came.

Pure shock.  I cannot tell whether I am more excited to begin my next steps in life or if I am more sad to leave my team, my family.  However, I am excited to see where the Lord takes all of us in the near future.  We are apostles, “sent out ones,” proclaiming the gospel by the power of the Holy Spirit.  “These who have turned the world upside down…” (Acts 17:6) have been released!

This class of world changers is pursuing their call to go El Salvador, Cambodia, China, Haiti, India, and Syria.  Being a missionary has always been in the back of my mind.  If He wanted me to go somewhere (after MUCH prayer, reading of His Word, and some more prayer), I would be obedient to that call.  My heart is still for the next generation.  God has comforted my heart to know that the students here at Coast Hills are being poured into.  Whether I am still involved or not, they are in His hands, not mine.  Whatever is in store for me, I hope that it would further the kingdom and bring glory to His name.

These past 16 weeks have each been the hardest, life-changing weeks of my life.  It is only Him who brought me this far to this moment.  He is faithful, He is my strength, He is my solid foundation, He is my anchor, He is my Lord and Savior.  He may not lead us into joyful situations, but He is the joy in the situation.  The Spirit of the Lord came to Judah and King Jehoshaphat saying,

“‘You will not need to fight in this battle.  Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’  Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.”

– 2 Chronicles 20:17

After this was said, they defeated Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir.  Before horses get out of the gate at a race, they are ready to go, nostrils flaring.  I am ready!  Fears and anxiety have held me back from going truly relying on God.  If I know what is next, that is walking by sight, not by faith.  The Christian walk is not supposed to be comfortable.  There is no easy route or time to relax.  I want thrill!  I want adventure!  I have been doing the “church thing” for a long time, which lead me to not fully experience the goodness of the Lord.  Now, I know His voice and I am discovering more about Him through His Word.  I had created a self-made identity, but now I am changed by His grace.  He is in control.  Sitting at His feet is my greatest treasure.  His love is deeper than the nails in that tree.  He has made me into a new creation.  Whether you have been in a relationship with Jesus for years or you have not come to know Him, His love brings so much joy!

Being home has already been strange already.  Patmos is only training ground for real life.  God has equipped me, but I am also vulnerable to the enemy.  Thank you for your prayers, your support, and walking alongside of me through this incredible journey.  I love you all so much!!!  If you want to grab a bite and meet up, I’d love to tell you more!

If you are a young adult (18-35) or your child is searching for a deeper growth in their relationship with the Lord, they are accepting applications for Patmos right now!  I highly recommend it!  If you want to be challenged for the purpose of change, pray about it.  Go here to learn more about it and apply: patmosreality.com

Sun Nov 24, 2017

4:24pm

Patmos Day 100!

Hello everyone!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family, friends, fun, and food!  There are so many things to be thankful for.  He blesses us with many gifts, but the gift Giver is so much better!

I am still in disbelief that December 8th is soon approaching!  Luckily, my family is waiting to put up Christmas decorations.

This past week showed me the love of Jesus and how He died in all of His beautiful grace and mercy.  What He went through on the way to the cross broke me.  He was beaten, scourged, whipped, splintered, and hung there for 3 hours and to think that I was the one that out Him there makes me ask why.  Why would He do this for me?  Why would He love me that much?  Why?  He still did it anyway.  He did it even though so many people He healed, helped, and ministered to did not even show up.  I have found a greater joy in Him and knowing that He gave it freely for me.  I’m not just in a relationship with Him, I am happy and in a relationship with Him.

As we head to Christmas, He decided to humble Himself as an innocent baby first.  He did it for you and for the unbeliever who is facing an eternity of pain and suffering.  Yes, there are those people who only come to church on Christmas and Easter, but the Holy Spirit pushes them to church!  Christmas cannot exist without Christ.  Tell someone who needs to know the love of Jesus, because we do not know how much time is left.  This week showed me that I have wasted time when there is work to be done, souls need to be saved.

How come the holidays are a reason to love when we should love, give, and serve all of the time?  Continue to love no matter the circumstance.  Jesus loved those who mocked and spat on Him.  Go the second mile. Do something unexpected.

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

– John 15:13 NKJV

I love you guys and cannot wait to share more of what He has taught me through these past 4 months.  I just want to encourage you all to step out before the holidays are in full swing.  Thank you for your prayers, I keep you all in mine!  See you all very soon!

Sat Nov 18, 2017

9:57pm

What a month!!!

This picture was taken before the craziest month so far!  We went to El Salvador a week after and then went to Oaxaca, Mexico after that!  That is why you have not heard from me!  However, through it all this has probably been the craziest month for me so far and now we only have 3 weeks left!  I feel like I took a year of Spanish, but I took 3 years of French in high school (so helpful right?)

(Oaxaca, Mexico)

He is so good! Even though it is hard to know the truth, it brings me to a place of freedom.  He is my anchor and He still chooses to use this sinner for something beautiful.  He will complete the good work that He began in me (Philippians 1:6) no matter what that may look like.  He put Philippians 2:3 on my heart and living with that lowliness of mind that Christ had, to give all of yourself for somebody else.  That is what we did when we went south of the border.

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

– Philippians 2:3

(El Salvador)

In El Salvador and Oaxaca, the ministries we served with, the people we met, the conversations we had, were all unforgettable.  These missionaries do so much for other people, which made me think about what I am willing to do for a coworker or someone who does not have Jesus as their Savior.  Love never fails here and it is very evident. I wish I could share more when I have more time to type everything! I can’t wait to share about all that He is doing in those places. Pray for them, for people to know Jesus!

If you want to see some of the photos of our journey, go here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/92029020@N02/sets/72157689791306766

Sun Oct 21, 2017

9:20pm

If I have not love, I am nothing

Week 9 was one I will never forget.

1 Corinthians 13.  Love.  Read verses 4 through 8a and replace “love” with your name and see if it is true.  However, when you put “Jesus” in its place, you fall in love with him all over again.

At the beginning of this week, I heard God speak to me.  I was thinking about my dad whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in a year and a half.  The effects of his former addictions have changed him mentally.  He is in a tremendous battle with his mind, please keep him in prayer.  So, God opened my Bible…

“No one comes to the Father except through me.”

– John 14:6

I know that it is talking about God the Father, but I broke down.  God has softened my heart towards my dad like never before.  I read that verse and thought that I would never have this love for my dad if I was at home.  The love of my heavenly Father has shown me how to love my father once again.  If that is not from God, I don’t know what is.  There were all of these father related songs coming through my headphones.  It was so crazy how He was affirming that for me to reach out to him.  Pray that he wants a relationship with me too.  I am still waiting for his response, so we will see.

Jesus suffered at the cross, but Jesus suffers long with us as well.  I am soaking in His presence and absorbing everything He is teaching me.  Someone said, “Peace is not the absence of chaos, it is the presence of God.”  I have had to rely on Him like crazy this week, so He has sustained me even though I am spent.  He will always fill you.  Submit and trust the process, because something beautiful will be produced.

I love you all, let Him lead you.

Sun Oct 14, 2017

3:28pm

Halfway through Patmos!

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

– 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Hi everyone!

This is a photo of 5 out of the 8 girl students in Patmos with me.  Pray for them (from left to right) Erika, me, Chelsea, Alyssa, and Alexis.  The students that are not pictured are Larissa, Tori, Jade, Brodie, Cameron, Haydn, Reuben, and Andy.  Now that we are beginning our third month, pray for unity in our team and the phileo love that God is calling us into despite trials.

During these past couple weeks, God has been showing me that His Word is the anchor for my soul (Hebrews 6:19).  When storms come my way, I want to be confident in the Truth and not be moved.  God revealed to me that I worry and fear when I am not in control, but only He is in control of anything anyway.  I am still learning how to be obedient and yield to my will and put His will first.  Even though I do not want to at times, it is better for me and He knows what is best.  I only seem to look at what is in front of my face and my circumstances, but God is bigger and sees the greater picture.  My desire is to go straight to prayer and lay it down at His feet.  Trusting Him has been a challenge, but the storms I go through are only for a little while.  The lessons He is teaching me are eternal.  He sustains.  He is our full satisfaction.

“The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

– Isaiah 58:11

There are times in my life where I thought God was not there or I thought He was silent in answering prayers, but He was always right beside me, because He loves me.  Think about the process of gold.  When it is heated up, all of the impurities rise to the top and it gets scraped away.  It continues repeating this until it is purified.  The final product reflects like a mirror.  God has put me through many situations where things would come to the surface that should not be there.  Not just once.  He is cleaning me up and making me new, so that I can reflect Him and have Him shine through me.  If you are going through something that is hard, it is for your benefit.  Enjoy the process!  It is not easy, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Peter.  If he was not in a storm, if he did not trust Jesus, if he did not take the step out of the boat, he would have never walked on water.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

–  Isaiah 43:1b-3a

As we head into the second half of Patmos, just a few prayer requests if you were wondering:

– God has been softening my heart towards my dad, I’ve been reaching out to him and hopefully when I return in December, we can have a relationship

– To be fully dependent on Him and not to be taken back by fear or anxiety. To enjoy the process!

– To be present, here, and now instead of thinking about the future

– To persist and endure through this journey of transformation

– (optional) for the Dodgers to win the World Series! Go Blue!

Thank you for the love and the support!  Thank you for taking some time to pray for me, because God is definitely listening to your prayers!  I miss you guys, but God is so good that he gave me this time for me to be closer to Him.  I love you all like crazy! God loves you and wants an adventure with you too! 🙂

Sun Oct 1, 2017

10:42pm

Dear friends and family,

Over the past 6 weeks, being here at Patmos has been a whirlwind of a journey! I apologize for not being able to write to you all sooner, thank you for patiently waiting. Our schedule has been packed and we have not had much time to use our laptops to do this. However, it has been amazing so far! Here is just a little taste of what I have been learning.

On August 19 (I can’t believe that it is October!), I was nervous and anxious for what the next 4 months would look like. Little did I know that God would wreck all of who I was, in a good way of course. He has pushed me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually TREMENDOUSLY! He has revealed things about me that I was blind to, but He is restoring my sight so I can focus on Him alone. In the beginning, God placed scripture on my heart which says,

“Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in me and I in him shall bear much fruit. For without Me, you can do nothing.”

– John 15:4-5

Being in the church routine, I had not really been abiding in the Lord and His Word. I had been a branch who thought I could bear fruit on my own. I have considered myself to be like Martha, because I am involved in many different ministries at Coast Hills Church. Now, I am learning how to be Mary and just sit at the feet of Jesus and be with Him. He does not need me, but He wants me and He wants to use me for His glory. My pride and selfishness have been in the way of it.  Taking that off has been difficult, but I am going through tribulation which produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope (Romans 5:3-5).

His amazing grace and mercy blow my mind!  We deserve death, yet, Jesus did the work for us and took our place on the cross. He paid it all.  God came down to our level in the form of a man and lived a sinless, perfect life. He ministered to the world, the rich, the poor, the sick, and the lame to share the love of the Father. Jesus then was murdered even though he knew that it was going to happen. Our sin and our iniquity is what nailed him to the cross.  All of those times where we messed up, turned against him, or did not know Him was in every beating and thorn in his head. Yet, Jesus loves us.  He died knowing that people would never come to know and believe in him, but he did it for those who would. After 3 days, Jesus rose again and conquered death!  Without Jesus, there was no access to God.  Jesus is the bridge that closes the gap.

Romans 10:9-10 says, “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

This gift of grace, this great love and compassion, was all for free. That is just who He is which is still crazy to me!  He is calling all of us to love in this way, it is sacrificial.  We are obviously not perfect and might not get it every time, but when we choose to love, it changes everything. I am made new, I am putting death to my flesh and my old ways and walking in the Spirit.

As most of you know already, if you have been following Patmos Reality Discipleship on social media, we went to Houston, Texas and then to Naples, Florida to help with the Hurricane Harvey relief efforts. There is a video of our reactions when Pastor Chet Lowe announced it at Coast Hills. We expected it a little, but were not sure if it would actually happen. After that service, we started the LONG road trip and started driving east!

Once we arrived, the devastation was overwhelming. We helped “muck out” houses that had water damage. The first floor, where families were formed, where years of memories were made, were now (after clearing out dry wall and insulation) skeletons of support beams. It was like we were on any HGTV show or “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” I didn’t get to see this, but I guess there was a picture of an elderly woman in a wheelchair where the water was up to her neck. Those who do not know the Lord put all of their lives into having a home and a car, etc. Whereas those who are believers, like a woman named Pat, were content and realized how much they did not need all of this stuff. One of the fellow team members from Calvary Chapel La Habra said,

“You can’t bring a U-Haul to heaven!”

To see those who were affected with smiles on their faces as their furniture, along with ruined family photos, sat on their front lawn inspired me. I should not be complaining.  Many times, I look at my circumstances and think God is not there. However, we should not ask where is God when we are in pain, but where is the church when we are in pain? As the body of Christ, we came out to help, because we saw a need and God gave us the hearts to fill it. We are so happy that we got to go when most people can’t. Your prayers for them mean everything, because all they have is Jesus now.

I would like to take this time to thank you. Thank you for your support whether it was financially or it is through prayer, both are working! Time seems to be flying by, but I wouldn’t trade this time for anything else.

To be consumed by Him, there is so much freedom! The leaders have already seen transformation within all 13 of us. There is a big difference between week one and now.  I miss all of you very much and wish that I could celebrate birthdays, holidays, weddings, the Dodgers winning the World Series, or seeing your smiling faces when I’m working at Cream. However, there are so many tiny miracles that lead up to this important time in my life and I am not going to waste it.  I know the Lord wants me in ministry and especially with youth.  Not being with the junior high students at my church is probably the hardest thing for me, but I am here to grow in my relationship with Him before I pour into the lives of the next generation.

Whenever I have struggled or felt weak, your faces pop into my head, because I know you guys believe in me even when I can’t believe in myself.  I want to change, but knowing that you want to see me transform too is my motivation.  If you have the time, look up the song, “Something New” by For All Seasons which was kind of my anthem before and currently being here. It is very encouraging for anyone.  It is exciting to become a new person, the daughter God wants me to be! Thank you for your love and your prayers, I miss you and love you very dearly!